My Diary: Writers Block

This post is going to be a classic Noble rant. I caught a case of writers block recently and I'm struggling to overcome it. I've been trying to put out as much content as I have been mentally able to, but the amount of work leads to exhaustion. I need to give myself more time to breathe and I don't know how well I can breathe while posting fourty-four times a month. I'm a one man show of editing, writing, and attempting to grow this brand.

For the sake of transparency I want you to know how difficult it is for me to not be able to post as much as possible. I feel the need to share this with you because this blog has always been a place of openness. I have stated it a million times before, I want to share in vulnerability with you. Which means you'll see my vulnerability as well. I want to write to you like I'd talk to my friends. I want this to be a warm place for people to come and learn. I treat this blog like a friendship with my viewers, making me afraid to slow down. I'm doing a good thing here, I feel it in my heart. I want to push through this block and be able to produce the best content I can for you. I want to go back to feeling inhuman and being able to write four posts a day. Hell, maybe I should have stacked up on those days where I felt inhuman because I'd have more to write to you today. Instead of having my hands flow freely like today, my posts have felt clammy and irritating recently. I'm not enjoying myself and I'm hurt by it.

I get too focused on numbers. Refreshing pages over and over again, forcing myself to close out of windows, and thinking non-stop about my next growth methods. It's wonderful how committed I am, but the opposing opinion tells me I'm going to fry my brain. Letting these numbers get to me forces me to comb over my posts again and again, searching for imperfections. I'll swear to myself they come out near perfect and then a week or two later I'll go back to an older post to see a glaring issue. It's a frustrating process. The correct approach to all of this would be to stop checking the damn numbers all the time. I should write because I love writing. If I'm putting my best foot forward the supporters will come regardless.

Again for the sake of transparency, I wanted to let you all know where I'm at currently. I want to grow this brand and share all of these insane ideas with the world. I want to give the support I felt I never had when I was younger. I don't want to force myself to write and lose what I have. At it's core the idea behind this blog is wonderful, it only becomes a struggle when I realize how much work needs to go into my passion. I need to remember to have fun what I'm doing and not drain my mental state completely for the sake of growth. I want to keep writing six days a week not because I have to, but because I'm onto something great here. I don't know how long this mental block will exist, but I hope you'll work with me and allow me to struggle for a bit. I want to come back to this wonderful place stronger than ever before.

- Noble