First loves are a tricky business. Especially those cases where you don't end up in a long term relationship with them, despite your best efforts. This post is to those specific people. I've had this discussion a handful of times recently, even if you don't end up with your first love you'll never stop love for them. A piece of you will remain with your first love for the rest of your life. If your heart were made of building blocks, how many blocks are left with them is dependent on how much of yourself you invested into the relationship. Personally, I dislike my first love. But I'll still always love her. For all the young men out there or the older men casually remembering their first loves. I believe I'll speak for a handful of us with this post.
We wish we could have listened. Not only listening to everything you had to say, but everything you wanted to say. We knew it was right to hang onto your words a little bit more, and other times we should have just let you talk. It would've been okay for us to not understand everything all the time, because you didn't always need or want us to understand. You only wanted us to listen. There didn't always have to be a a solution and we didn't have to get frustrated trying to explain things to you. You only wanted us to listen. For the times you had wanted us to truly hear what you were saying, we should have stopped twiddling our thumbs and given you the attention you had deserved.
We wish we could have worked harder. Relationships are tricky business, two people against the problem instead of two people against one another. Keep those thoughts in your mind as long as you are trying to pursue a relationship. Relationships are stubborn, annoying, and simply complicated. We had learned how incredibly frustrating and difficult they could be after a while. However, instead of working we started to let things falter and slide. We knew what the issues were, but the further they strayed from minor towards major problems, we became afraid to confront them. We didn't want to hurt your feelings or hurt the relationship. Even though we should have known starting a little conversation shouldn't damage a healthy relationship. If the conversation caused temporary grief, then it would have only been temporary. But we were afraid, so we walled it off, until the issue become a massive and unspoken cloud looming over our relationship.
We wish our relationship didn't end up the way it did. This is one of the harder ones to admit, because maybe we are better off now. In fact, most of us are better off. But we still think about you from time to time. We often confuse missing the memory of us with missing you specifically and wonder what went so terribly wrong. Desperately, we wanted things to work because we loved you. And for whatever reason it didn't work out, we'll still think about it and miss having you in our lives. However, over time we will learn to accept it. There's a reason for us not being together now and we'll reassure ourselves it's for the best. Those thoughts will hurt from time to time, but it'll be okay. We were happy and lucky to have you during a time in our lives when you were our whole world.
We wish you happiness. Even if we don't care to admit it, and we don't agree to the person you ended up with. We still want you to be happy. We want you to be happy for all the laughter, anger, and tears we shared. We may think it's correct to be best friends or to have no contact, but you'll still cross our minds. When you do cross our minds, we may harbor all these negative and terrible feelings, because we are angry with how it all ended. Now whether or not you are comfortable admitting this last part to yourself is entirely up to you, but I thought to change "we" to "I" for this last sentence. I'm sorry things didn't work out, even if our relationship is long in the past. I love you and I wish you all the happiness in the world, even if its not with me.
Don't spend time wishing, act while you still can. Also WashYourAss
- Noble
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