Everyday will feel more lonely than the next. There are so many of you who are fully ready to commit to this post, based on the first sentence of this paragraph. To know viewers will become more invested based on the first sentence makes me incredibly emotional. I know more often than not you feel lonely, I know how much you have to offer, and I can assume exactly how badly you want people to give you a chance. Whether it's your crush, a chance to make new friends, or for your family to attempt to understand you a little bit better. It's such a strangely uncomfortable feeling to feel alone with hundreds of new and happy faces around you. However, some of you are good at hiding it. I was one of those people who knew how to hide it. And I often feel lonely more than four years later, even if I have the most wonderful friends a guy could ask for. Loneliness might not leave you for many years to come. However, it will slowly dissipate the more you understand to love yourself and those around you. I can promise you that.
It hurts to get out of bed. Not in the physical aspect, physical pain has never been as much stress as the emotional strain you carry with you. I hurts more than you are able to put into words sometimes. While you are hurting, your friends are having what looks to be a terrific time around you. You'd love to join them, but don't quite know how to start. They are off competing in sports, talking to their crushes, and going to parties. Even if you'd like to be a part of those experiences, maybe it isn't for you. Maybe you are like me when I was young. You like to sit inside and play with Legos, make funny YouTube videos, or play video games until the crack of dawn to distract yourself. Every now and then you might tell yourself to go out with your friends, because it'll be a good change of pace. And maybe after you go out, you'll miss being home sooner rather than later. It's okay to not want to go out all the time and to allow yourself to hurt. Fuck, I wish someone had told me the same thing. I'm sorry you are feeling so terribly. Please allow yourself to hurt and ask for help if you need it. Take a few steps towards sharing your feelings. Hell if you want to message me, all my links are there. You know exactly where to find me.
Do these fears ever leave me? The short answer is maybe. It depends on your willingness to move forward. You can't live among your fears allowing them to control you. Your loneliness and pain will keep your fears heavily over your head and heavily in your heart. It's annoying and infuriating to let this unseen force hold so much power over you. If I could only share one thing sentence on fear for the rest of my life, it'd be this. Your fears will lose power, you'll learn to accept and let things go, and you will absolutely fucking not be controlled and held down by your fears. And its something I wish someone would have shared with me when I was seventeen. I was stubborn and I don't know if I would have accepted their advice, but I wish someone would have tried. If somebody could have sat me down and looked me in the eyes to share this information, I'd be eternally grateful.
This last paragraph is more of a message than anything. I already over work myself as is, it's a terrible habit. One which I'm unsure I'll ever allow myself to fix. But allow me to reiterate what I had said above, I can be here to talk with you. Id like to help you understand grow as individuals. I desperately want to be a beacon of hope and understanding. One which I struggled to find when I was younger. Please don't be afraid to reach out, it's all love.
- Noble
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