In addition to my history, my addictive personality keeps me far from drugs and alcohol. I find myself addicted to incredibly unimportant things half the time. I'll get addicted to the point where I won't want to eat anymore. Getting caught up in the things I'm working on will cause me to push aside my own wellness for the sake of continuing to focus on whatever I view as my temporary priority. Whether its my work, hobbies, or the feeling of being wanted. This post is a confession to my addiction.
School, work, and writing this blog often leave me finding myself addicted. It's a blessing to be addicted to working on this blog or to force myself to have a good work ethic in general. I will reap the rewards of the time I've put in sooner rather than later. However, because I'm so addicted, I allow my addiction to consume my mind. For example with this blog, writing, self promotion, I consider those all to be mentally exhausting work. No matter how exhausted I've found myself, I'm afraid to slow down. For whatever hypothetical reason I've found, I don't want to slow down out of fear I'll miss my window. This fear will press me to work even harder, leaving me to spend hours in bed thinking up ideas. I'll push myself to not only understand topics better, but to understand myself better. All for the sake of providing better content for my readers. It's exhausting, but the outcome is addictive. I'm addicted to dreaming about my hard work being rewarded. Which again isn't a terrible trait to have, but I do need to remember to eat once in a while.
I get addicted to my hobbies. I have this story I tell often about being fat. Near the beginning of the summer of eighth grade I was on the heavier side. Then over the summer I suddenly lost it all. Instead of the hard work necessary, I accidentally starved myself to lose the weight. You may be thinking to yourself how in the world it's possible to accidentally starve yourself. Well, I was addicted to video games to the point where I forgot to eat and it caused me to slim down. In addition, I was in the middle of my growth spurt. This ended with me going from being short and fat to tall and skinny in a matter of a few months. It may have been incidental and unhealthy, but hey I wasn't fat anymore. However, all these years later the addiction still consumes me. I often forget about responsibilities or forget about taking care of myself. I don't want to be the guy to disappear if my friends are having fun, so ill keep pushing along. This message and this paragraph itself is personal for gamers. Listen to me when I say, your friends can wait. Get up and exercise, get food, you'll feel better and you'll enjoy the experience a lot more.
I get addicted to the feeling of being wanted. If I were to break down the worst traits of what makes up Noble, this is probably in the top three. I have an absolutely terrible habit of latching onto people who offer me the slightest bit of respect and consideration. I latch onto those people because it's something I've always yearned for. It's a habit I've been trying to work through for years, because I consistently find myself beyond addicted. I often tend to sell myself and my own abilities short. Which means when somebody comes along with a few positive traits I'll be intrigued. Then they'll go as far to say sweet or considerate things about me. Things I already knew about my own character but needed to be affirmed by someone else. It leads me to meet a lot of the wrong people. People undeserving of my attention or affection. And during this arduous process I'll keep making similar mistakes and learning how to correct them, falling on my face all along the way. Though, after a while I'll learn to put my hands down when I fall.
- Noble
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