A good friend taught me an important life lesson in my teens, words are tools. They are powerful, beautiful, and sometimes evil. If used maliciously, they could horribly stunt someones emotional growth. If used correctly, they could change someones life for the better. This post is going to contain sensitive words and subjects, some of you may find it offensive. There is going to be use of the word "faggot" and a discussion of racial slurs. I emphatically encourage you to read this post if you are immature towards these matters. I do not advocate for hate speech. Hate speech has no place and will never have a place in the WashYourAss brand. However I am a strong believer in keeping jokes as jokes and understanding acceptable behavior among friends and in society. I'd like to discuss those stigmas through CII: connotation, intent, and inflection.
I'll consider the first paragraph to be a warning before the sensitive and challenging ideas of this post. I am not here to tell you what words are correct and incorrect among your friends. I am not the person to judge what words you choose to use. I grew up on the internet, I've heard countless forms of terrible insults, slurs, and every form of hateful words a teenager could brew up in their evil brains. I myself have been guilty of using those words on numerous occasions, during my early teen years as well. This is not an apology, the purpose of this post is to point out something I reiterate time and time again. Humans are successful because we can grow. We can learn to work through our shortcomings by learning from them, understanding the power of words, and challenging ideas instead of hiding away at the first sign of resistance.
Connotation is an incredibly important word for developing individuals to understand. Correct connotation will dictate whether or not something is a joke among friends. The correct form will also benefit you by providing a massive amount of development in a social or business setting. Some of you may have found yourselves guilty of being "racist" or "homophobic" towards your friends. I put those two words in quotes because the words themselves are strongly dependent on your connotation. Hold onto your angry letters for a moment as I continue to elaborate. I'll openly admit to being guilty of teasing my numerous gay friends for being gay, picking at my friends for being minorities, or teasing my other white friends simply for being white like myself. The reason I, like some of my viewers can tease our friends for racial traits, sexuality, or social class is because of specific criteria. Your first priority is needing to understand your friends feelings and the level to which you take a joke absolutely must be okay with them. Second you need to follow the CII rules of connotation, intent, and inflection.
I'm going to list three examples. In these examples I'm going to be making fun of myself as a white man. If for some reason you are white and what I'm about to say offends you, grow up. I'm targeting myself for the sake of discussion.
A. It smells like a poor white man in this room.
B. It smells like oppressive white behavior in this room.
C. It doesn't smell great in this room.
Those three sentences leave us with the same idea, it smells a certain way in a room. How each is written leaves an entirely different message. The sentences themselves are based on the connotation you choose to use. Negative connotation is a mood killer. The point of studying these examples is learning how to better apply and approach them for yourself. Specifically in regards to racial talks, your connotation will drastically change whether or not you are viewed as having an open discussion or if people are going to label you as a true racist. Example A is something my friends might say to me. I am in fact not wealthy and white, I find it funny. A stranger repeating those same words to me would be an interesting subject. There are correct and incorrect methods to approaching new relationships. Example A is not one of those correct ways. Example B leaves us with the worst of the three. Again if a friend said this to me, I'd probably find it funny. I've established those relationships and set those boundaries. However, a stranger shouldn't necessarily approach me with those same words, as they are racially charged. I'm a specific case, I could find those words funny if someone was ballsy enough to approach me with them. However, you should know your crowd if you are going to make such a bold statement. Example C carries a simple truth and falls in line with the two other sentences discussed. Each sentence is trying to portray how a room smells. Each of them have the intention of meaning the same thing, but there are two more malicious options. A correct and incorrect approach.
Ending the sentence above on the topic of intent gives me a perfect transition to move into the next discussion point. Similar to connotation there are positive and negative approaches to intent. The negative approach leads you specifically towards malicious intent. The intention of actively trying to hurt, hate, or offend somebody. The message of your words will be strongly dependent on the intent you deliver them with. For those trying to misconstrue my words let me state this first. I'm not implying to go to the nearest ghetto shouting whatever racial slur fits the area. The intention of truly trying to hurt someones feelings differs strongly from "friendly" banter. As much as you may swear your intent wasn't negative, if you are the type of person to interpret my message in such a way, your intent automatically becomes malicious. No matter the connotation or inflection, if your intent is malicious it will be received as such. Intent is meant to control words by applying meaning to them and the message you are delivering. However, in the spoken word, intent is nothing without inflection.
I'll be providing three examples using myself as the test dummy yet again. In these examples I'll be providing two of the three skills I've explained today, with inflection coming up in the next paragraph. The inflection will be written in caps-lock to show the specific use of the word.
A. GOD DAMMIT Noble, you are friends with a bunch of FAGGOTS aren't you?
B. Hey, are all THOSE GAY guys your friends?
C. Noble, are friends with a bunch of gay men?
Work on your inflection. Your stress, cadence, pitch, or tone is how people will learn to understand your message. All four of those words tie into the same meaning, inflection. I encourage you to study the skill of inflection. It's another invaluable asset to your personal growth. Studying the skill of inflection isn't for the purpose of making offensive jokes to your friends alone. Although, if you only intend to use it for such a trivial matter you may want to reread this post a few times. Getting into the breakdowns of the sentences we will start with example A. Example A is looked at in two different ways for me. With the correct use of CII, I wouldn't mind my gay friends telling me this as a joke. Specifically because they've used it as a joke before and I would find it funny. However, a stranger telling me this is a completely different story. Example A strikes malicious intent, negative connotation, and a rude inflection. This stranger would win douche bag bingo if you are keeping track at home. Hearing something like this from a stranger is a completely different story as I would become immediately protective of my friends and demand an apology. This person speaking to me is attempting to negatively affect my mood. Going further into the examples, example B falls closer with the correct way to speak, but still carries a weak inflection and negative connotation. This leaves with example C being our correct option yet again. Example C is a legitimate question. No negativity lies in the statement, it was not malicious, there are no overemphasized words, and they are asking with the hope of gaining knowledge on the subject. It's part of a normal and mature conversation.
In closing I'd like to reiterate I do not advocate racial, homophobic, social, or sexual slurs...among strangers! If you are able to develop these types of relationships with close friends than more power to you. It's necessary to understand jokes need to remain among your friends or people comfortable with the way you are talking, there is a time and a place for making them. What you say around your friends will not always be acceptable in front of strangers. This post still has a solid chance of offending people, but I still chose to write this with the impression they may find themselves offended. To those who find themselves offended, I strongly believe they are missing the message. If for some unholy reason you misconstrue this post terribly enough to respond to the next stranger you see by spitting out racial slurs, then I have news for you. If this same person responds to your slurs by punching you in the teeth, maybe you needed a harsh wake up call to set you in line.
Practice CII and WashYourAss
- Noble
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